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Adjudged

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Adjudged is the most comprehensive term for noting a player has been found in an offside position by an assistant referee or a proper one. Though not normally used in conversation, football commentators and pundits use the word to lend an heir of authority to their speech, making them sound all clever and that. Every commentator must learn exactly when to use adjudged, deemed or caught. Failure to do so results in expulsion from the Commentators Guild.

Here is a simple guide:

If a player was ruled offside correctly, he was 'adjudged' to have been offside.

If there was an element of doubt, he was 'deemed' to have been offside. This must immediately be followed with the clause 'when the ball was kicked'.

If a player sneaked into an offside position using his wiles he had been 'caught' offside.

Inzaghi Edit

Filippo Inzaghi was famously born offside and was very hard to categorize. Many have questioned whether Inzaghi was ever 'caught' offside, as he seemed totally oblivious to the creation of the rule in 1848. Furthermore he was often so far offside no word was authoritarian enough to describe just how offside he had just been. This was solved in 2005 with the addition to the commentators guide of 'he was off by an Inzaghi'.


Demise Edit

All discussion of offside was rendered pointless on August 17th 2005. FIFA's Law 11 changed offside from an objective rule whereby any player in an offside position when the ball was kicked was adjudged offside. They added the element of thrilling subjectivity to an otherwise understandable law, allowing multiple permutations for every offside decision. In complete contast to Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect, FIFA have adjudged that it is possible to run around, often in a goalkeepers eyeline, with no effect on those around you.

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