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Kettering

Kettering TownEdit

Kettering Town are renowned giant-killers, victims of Paul Gascoigne and supporters of the Palestinian cause.

Despite being from one of those places nobody could put on a map, Kettering Town have several claims to fame.

The club’s Wikipedia entry proudly states that Kettering Town were ‘the first British team to have their initials on their floodlights’ – the kind of boast that makes the Northamptonshire outfit a common choice for glory hunters.[1]

The Poppies were also the first team in Britain to have a sponsor on their shirts when they advertised ‘Kettering Tyres’ in a game against Bath City on January 24, 1976. Many blame Kettering for the current financial prostitution of the beautiful game.

Over the years, Kettering have claimed a number of scalps in the FA Cup and are a potential banana skin.

Their home, Rockingham Road, is the kind of ground that struggling league teams dread being sent to. These days it is officially called the A-Line Arena, but obviously nobody calls it that and nor should they.

Gascoigne fiascoEdit

Like Chinese side Gansu Tianma, Kettering fell into the trap of employing Paul Gascoigne.

Gazza took the hot seat on October 2005 looking to launch a managerial career. After 39 days, he had been sacked having contravened club conduct regulations on 37 occasions.

The first contravention came after just 35 seconds when instead of shaking hands with chairman Imraan Ladak, he grabbed him by the balls and burped in his face.

The deranged Geordie was also sanctioned for turning up to work drunk, stoned and in possession of a squirrel, but he was aggrieved at the decision to remove him from his post.

"I have never been left alone to do my job as manager," said Gascoigne. "The chairman wants to sack me but I said I will never walk away from Kettering Town. I will fight all the way. I am now looking to buy the football club.”

Gascoigne surprisingly failed in his bid to buy Kettering Town.

Politcal stanceEdit

Kettering Town are the only football club in the world to display “Palestine Aid” on their shirts.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert cited Kettering’s shirts as a major reason for removing troops from the Gaza Strip in January 2009. “I was watching Kettering-Eastwood Town and I realised we had to pull out of Gaza,” he said. “I also realised that Craig Westcarr has a future at a higher level.”

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