Mexico National Football TeamEdit
Mexico’s national team has a proud tradition of being eliminated in the second round of the World Cup.
El Tri will always qualify for the World Cup finals because of the notoriously forgiving qualification system in CONCACAF.
Mexico book a place in the World Cup if they either:
- Beat the USA.
- Beat Costa Rica.
- Beat El Salvador.
- Beat New Zealand
However, once at the finals the Mexicans have the disadvantage of being completely unused to playing genuine footballing nations instead of the likes of Canada and Cuba.
Therefore, after getting through the group stage with a win and a draw, Mexico will always fall in the last 16.
In 1990, Mexico were banned from entering the World Cup as a disproportionate punishment for fielding an overage player in an Olympic game. Their spot at the World Cup was taken by the football-illiterate Yanks, whom did not notice.
That year, the Mexican players were the only members of their nation to not be stopped by Border Patrol as the World Cup was hosted by America (bribery and promises of free Disney Land rides offered to then-FIFA President Havelange in exchange for hosting rights were suspected). Grouped with Norway and fellow Catholic spouse-abusing drunkards Ireland and Italy, Mexico would advance to the knockout stage as group winners but were immediately eliminated by Bulgaria in the most English way possible: Penalties and having their star forward Luis Garcia sent off.
Debuting their infamous garish kit featuring the Aztec calendar (presumably designed by starting keeper and equally weird Jorge Campos) in an attempt to distract and possibly blind their opponents and perhaps impress the French. Instead, Mexico could only muster a win against Asia's eternal fodder South Korea and drew against neighbors Belgium and the Dutch before falling in the perennial Round of 16 against the damn Germans, adding another English-style elimination.
Swedish sex pest Sven-Goran Eriksson was in charge of Mexico until recently.
Somehow Eriksson managed to mastermind a draw with Canada and defeats against Jamaica and Honduras (twice) when it would have been easier to pick up 12 points.
Nonetheless, World Cup 2010 qualification still seems inevitable as Eriksson is putting the finishing touches to the team’s new garish kit.
Jorge Campos (1991-2004)