Steve Claridge[]
Claridge completed a great career spanning four decades having played for at least thirty clubs in all the division of the English league structure, from South West Pembrokeshire Under-5s right through to the Premier League, and now playing at Gosport Borough in his spare time. Nobody else in history has managed to play for so long without ever winning anything of note.
Later Career[]
One would think that having played in almost every level of the English leagues should qualify Claridge for some kind of expertise, but after a few years of listening to his inane drivel on both radio and television, it appears to all and sundry that he has been employed simply as an expert driveller. Of all the regular drivellers on TV, Claridge is one of the most serious sounding, and even makes Alan Hansen sound like a fanboy. Closer inspection soon reveals his true mindlessness, and he's become an expert in that field, surpassing even "Lorrow" for stupidity, only without the cheeky grin and shit moustache.
Utilising his many years of drivelling expertise, Claridge delights (although he doesn't show it) in regularly providing uninsightful information about things you already knew everything about, and making up ridiculous opinions on the spot about things you didn't. Often, he uses lies and exaggeration to make his points even less believable to anyone with a modicum of knowledge about the modern game. Occasionally he has delved into the murky depths of football finances, but has generally bowed to Paul Merson's superior ability to talk shit about money whilst simultaneously drink-driving along the motorway.
Whilst in employ as a pundit and balancing act to the professional and cheerful Manish Bhasin on the BBC Football League Show, Claridge is also playing non-league football for some no-mark outfit who are daft enough to think a man with a long playing career but no medals to his name has any talent whatsoever.