Steven Gerrard plays for Liverpool F.C. as a central midfielder, attacking midfielder, defensive midfielder, winger, and striker. During most games, he will also play as the referee.
Gerrard was first brought into this world as an experiment by mixing Chimpanzee DNA with a Scouser, an experiment which went drastically wrong. Gerrard, or subject La, escaped from his cell in an unknown location and soon found himself in the city of Liverpool, where he was found by visiting Frenchman Gerard Houllier and brought to the Liverpool football club for safe-keeping.
As a young boy, Gerrard didn't have many friends, and kept under the watchful eye of Houllier, soon developed a keen interest in football. It is during this time that he was famously pictured in an Everton football kit. Gerrard has counter-acted these claims, saying "That, like, was back when, like, I had no idea, like, there were, like, rivalries, like, la." He then followed this statement later by saying "I was, like, forced to take the picture, like, because my uncle, like, was an Everton fan, like, la". He then proceeded to punch a DJ in the face.
Gerrard made his first appearance in 1998, groomed as the successor to the mighty Jamie Redknapp. He has so far been the mainstay of the Liverpool team, becoming club captain, England captain (when John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry, Wayne Rooney, Ashley Young, Stewart Downing, Theo Walcott, Francis Jeffers, and that bloke who nicked Jermaine Defoe's goal in his only appearance are otherwise incapacitated). He has since become a role model for young kids everywhere, and encourages the art of diving, which he has used on innumerable occasions to save Liverpool from otherwise mid-table obscurity. Since Liverpool have now fallen into mid-table obscurity, he now uses this practice to save them from relegation, and has earned the endearing nickname "Stevie Starfish Gerrard", for the delightful way he convinces referees of the malice of a challenge several feet away from him.
- Having a larger than normal forehead
- Running children over in his car
- Trying to learn the English language