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"To swoop" is a ludicrous verb used by the mass media to suggest football clubs are like some bloody massive eagle covered in shinpads instead of a normal business. Without the means to snatch from the air, most clubs use proper methods of communication to ask people to join their organisation. Despite the ban on modern technology which has left all clubs communicating via fax machine, no footballer has ever been plucked into the heavens by a rival club. The phenomenon may have arisen from the use of air travel to transport players to their new destination, with many believing the process to be indistinguishable from magic.

Most swooped Edit

Players under the age of 21 are the most swooped on, due to their inexperienced and fragile nature. Bafflingly they are often referred to as a starlet, as this provides the easiest headline. Clever alliteration provides the following: "Spurs swoop for Sunderland starlet". Unfortunately most of these starlets never make the grade, many experts believe this could be a consequence of the harrowing swoop.

References to Swooping Edit

Interestingly no manager, chairman or footballer has ever used the word swoop, leading some to believe it was created exclusively by the media as a hallowed word only they are allowed to use. On the 1st of September 2009, Nicky Shorey may have told journalists that Portsmouth had "done a failed swoop on him", causing the crowd to throw down their equipment and shout 'treason'. They later attempted to burn his legs off with lighters and those tiny little jotters they use. The emergency was only avoided when one journalist sensed a distubance in the air believed to be Hull swooping on every average striker in the Premiership not getting first team football.

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