Titus Malachi Bramble (born July 31 1981 in Ipswich) is without doubt one of the Best footballers the Premier League has ever seen. As a centre back currently playing for Sunderland, Bramble can always be spotted on Match of the Day as the one in the middle of defense playing well in the most spectacular way possible.
Bramble exhibits frequent flashes of brilliance, like his spectacular volleyed goal against Chelsea to 'earn' Newcastle a place in the Intertoto Cup. Like a true luxury player however, he will often appear to be great, before doing something spectacularly shit for no reason whatsoever. Unheard of Bramble errors include:
- Playing centre forwards onside by standing yards behind other defenders
- Attempting hashed clearances or performing grossly mistimed tackles
- Scoring Lee Dixon-esque own goals or conceding needless penalties for the opposition
- Accidently tying both sets of shoe laces together
- Turning up at St James' Park every saturday at 3 pm; even for away games, during the close-season and after his transfer to Wigan.
- Spectacularly weak passbacks.
Titus Bramble has managed to remain a Premier League player for 10 years, making over 200 performances for Ipswich, Newcastle, Wigan, and Sunderland and being voted by readers of 'Tittles' magazine as the Best player of the year in the English Premiership for the 2003–04 season.
Dour Match of the Day pundit Alan Hansen, in particular, reserves special praise for Bramble. Every time his club plays a team deemed worthy of the BBC's time (the big four or West Ham), Hansen will pick apart every aspect of Bramble's immense talent.
While Bramble may not be the longest serving unbelievable player in the Premier League, but he is certainly the best.
Titus Bramble = God